The Perfect Jeans

Ah, the search for the perfect jeans. If you're like me, you find this search both stressful and infuriating. Not having the perfect body type (and who does in real life?), I have issues primarily with length and the dreaded "waist gap." When I'm on a mission for jeans, I generally end up at Marshall's, where they have a wide variety of random brands with many different shapes and sizes. Armed with 20-25 pairs, I trek to the dressing room to let the fittings begin.

About three months ago, I was once again on a quest for the perfect pair of jeans. Pair 1 - nope. Pair 2 - eh. Pair 3 - for God's sake NO! Pair 4.... As I put on pair 4, it was as though the heavens opened, shining a bright ray of light down onto me - and the jeans. Waist - no gap. Butt - looking good. Length - long enough. Fit - perfect. I stepped out of the dressing room and a random woman walking by stopped to say "Oh my goodness, those jeans fit you perfectly! It's like they were made for you!"

At last, the perfect pair of jeans. Perfect perfect perfect. Until I looked at the price tag. What?!?! How could jeans be at Marshall's and still cost $100??? My eyeballs just about popped out of my head. (I've since discovered that this particular brand - something about 7? For all mankind... something or other... are typically $200 if not more and are one of those IT brands. You know, the kind you see in People magazine but usually not on real people.)

So no way. No way was I paying $100 for a pair of jeans. I hate paying close to $40 for jeans, and the price definitely has to start with a 2 or 3. $27 - no problem. $32 - not too bad. $38 - getting close to the limit. But $100??? No way. Let's move on with the fitting.

Pair 5 - I don't think so.
Pair 6 - no freaking way.
Pair 7 - not bad, but certainly not close to pair 4.
And so on.

So I did it. I bought them. Then I took them home, hung them in the closet with the receipt, had instant buyer's remorse, and vowed to return them in the next few days. The next day, life resumed its usual craziness and I promptly forgot about them and Marshall's strict 30-day return policy. So there they hung for three months.

Until yesterday....